What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
