ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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