I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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