how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I need water and some morals
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize