Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
