Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
