i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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