I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
please come you make the beer taste better
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
