You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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