thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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