Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
