im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
