Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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