drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
