I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize