just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
