Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize