the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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