Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
