You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
