We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
