Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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