Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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