What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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