i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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