if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
