1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I looked at my own cervix.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
