Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
