ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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