That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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