i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
