"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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