Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
