you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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