if only i could text you this smell
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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