It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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