Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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