she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
