aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
