Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
