Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
