Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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