You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize