i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
