why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
