I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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