Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Can you bring me the toilet please
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
