it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
