My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I want to be your penis for a week.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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