Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
