you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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