In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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