You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize