can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
