areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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