I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
