and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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