You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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