I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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