Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
