Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
