All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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