So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
