I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
