Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize