Having a random hookup so left but love u
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
