i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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