Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize