Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
