Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
