The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
