What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
