I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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