I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
