1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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