Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
