is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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