I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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