Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
